CEC's Top 10 Help List

A help list to get you unstuck, plan for the future, and clarify your goals.

Feeling stuck at work can be caused by a lot of different situations: being passed up for promotion, being in what appears to be a dead end job, or not feeling recognized. Start by taking control, and responsibility for the situation. Your employer doesn’t owe you a living. If you’re playing the blame game, stop. Blaming yourself or your employer won’t get you that better or different job.

Try this:
On a sheet of paper make three columns. Call the first: Where I want to be, the second; Where I am now, and the third; What stops me. Under each column write everything that comes to mind. Don’t censure or cross anything out just write. Give yourself at least 45 minutes to do this. When you feel that you have written ALL that comes to mind, challenge yourself to write 3 more items in each column. Now change the heading in Column 3 to things I CAN do to get unstuck. Look at these items as potential “to do’s”. For example, if you said, “I need more education”, change that to “Get more schooling”. Got it? Set yourself some goals and share these with your partner, close friends and your coach.

CONGRATULATIONS! Every new manager feels overwhelmed. Expectations have suddenly changed and in many of today’s workplaces an attitude of sink or swim prevails. Take heart someone has recognized that you have certain skills, gifts, and aptitudes that made you their choice for this job! DO you know what these are?

Try this:

  • Do you know what your new expectations involve? Talk to your Boss. Have him articulate what he expects. Cover areas like pending projects, HR issues, systems and procedures. Lay the ground rules together. Make sure that you can live with what you set together.
  • Make a plan. Set specific goals with your boss and team. Breaking down these goals into bite size pieces. These pieces should not take more than 1 or 2 simple actions. Like making a call or sending an email. Then delegate it! You can’t do it on your own. No heroics here. Your team will feel involved and motivated to pursue the agreed outcomes. If you feel you can’t delegate, think again. Why are you holding onto this? Keep a record of what has been done – scratch it off in your day planner or on a daily board. This is a BIG motivator!
  • Communicate. Not only with your boss but also with your team. They are more likely to follow a leader who is honest and forthcoming rather than one who is so overwhelmed that they generate a “me versus them” attitude.

Teams non-perform for many reasons. Lack of leadership, little direction, wrong people in jobs, low skill levels, no motivation and the list goes on. We believe that no one comes to work to purposely do a bad job. In many instances employees and teams perform badly because of a considerable gap between what the organisation expects and what the team understands.


Try this:
Ask yourself these questions:

  • Are my team members involved in the decision making process?
  • Do I have “dead weight” in my team that I’m just not dealing with?
  • Are the goals for my department clearly laid out and planned so that everyone is aware of what they are and how they are going to be met?
  • Is appropriate corrective and positive feedback being given?
  • Are your expectations clearly understood?
  • Does your team have the necessary and most updated tools to do an outstanding job?
  • Are the “right” people doing the right job?
  • Have you set clear and firm boundaries around expected behaviour?
  • What is the culture of the team? Once you’ve answered these questions honestly put them to your team. Gather the results and put some concrete goals in place. Group coaching can be very useful here. Trust that what you want for your team is what your team wants!

Many of us go through life “putting up” with people we just cannot see eye to eye with. Invariably we build defences and processes that in the long run hurt us. If you hate your boss, you’re probably not speaking well of them, and coming to work probably makes you feel anxious and overwhelmed.

Try this:
The things to think about here are:

  • What is going on for you when your boss’s behaviour upsets you? Is there something that gets triggered about YOU that you would prefer not to deal with?
  • If you find that your boss won’t make a decision, or procrastinates, is this reflecting a feeling of inadequacy in you?

Reflect on what is really going on. Bring a deeper awareness to the issues in your relationship with your boss.

Start setting boundaries with your boss by telling him that their actions are having a negative effect on you. Set boundaries with kindness and enforce them. Setting boundaries takes practice.

It can take time for people to understand that they can no longer treat you in a certain way, especially if they’ve been doing it for a while. Be patient and consistent.

Leading a balanced life is not only good for you but also necessary in becoming a fulfilled, productive, and joyful person!

Often, one of the causes of having too little time are all the things we say yes too, when we really wanted to say NO.

Try this:
Make a list of 100 things you are tolerating right now and resolve to start taking care of them today. They can be things like getting that office organized, or filing “stuff” that you have been putting up with and that is sapping your time, energy, or both!

Start saying NO to stuff and other people’s requests. Do this with grace, kindness and firmness. People around you will probably look at you funny for a while but you’ll feel a lot better for it! Remember NO is a full sentence. This is a pretty radical step for a lot of people especially if you are used to “rescuing” people or situations. So start small and check-in with yourself often.

Congratulations you’re retired! People are sometimes ill prepared for the onset of retirement. We can become so wrapped up with our careers and family that our own personal identity gets misplaced.

Try this:
Create a vision for your retirement. Take a sheet of paper and entitle it Having. Write down all that is truly important to you like: time for family, money, hobbies, health, etc. On another sheet of paper entitle it with Doing. Write down all you need to do to have what you want. You might have things like taking a class, seeing a doctor, going on holiday etc. On a third piece of paper entitle it with Being. Here write down all you need to be to achieve what you truly want. You might have things like be more open to change, be less afraid, take more risks, communicate more, resolve issues with family, etc.

Give yourself plenty of time. You may want to go back to this exercise and not complete it in one sitting. Things will already start shifting when you realize that you are already moving forward. Get a personal coach to help you get the results you want.

This may sound trite but when one door closes another opens. Your attitude and frame of mind are important in looking for work. Take stock of what has happened. Become aware that grieving is an important part of the process of letting go. Anger, denial, bargaining and finally acceptance are normal.

Consider that this is an opportunity to either continue in a field you love or to discover what you really want to do. If you lack reserves and the pressure is on to “get back into work” consider that you might need to work at something you don’t like or want to do. If you need to do this then put a plan into place that will get you out of there and into something you want to do as soon as you can!

Try this:
Many of us stay in jobs we don’t like because we lack the awareness of what we really want to do and a plan that will make it happen. It takes courage, time and work to find our gifts and put them to use. Ask yourself:

  • What do people say are my strengths?
  • What do I believe are my strengths?
  • When am I the happiest?
  • What do I really ENJOY doing?
  • If there were no limits what would I be doing?

Once you’ve put some things on paper see how they fit together and start creating your perfect job. The clearer the image the faster you’ll see results.

During this time of transition take EXTREMELY good care of yourself. Communicate your needs clearly to those around you. Tell people what is going on and ask support from your partner, your friend and coach. Take that bubble bath, play basketball with the boys. Do whatever it takes to make you feel better.

It takes great courage to admit to this. Congratulations you may be ready to create the life you want! Many people come to coaching because they want help in getting themselves back on track. Many people feel that somewhere down the line their life is not what they wanted.

Try this:
The reasons are as varied as there are people. It takes time and effort to get to know oneself. Go easy on yourself! Believe that you can have the life you want even if you don’t know what it is right now.

A strong foundation is key to working towards this. Nothing being tolerated, strong boundaries, high personal standards are the building blocks of living that incredible life.

Find a coach to help you with moving towards your dreams!

On occasion we find ourselves in relationships that are just seem to be hindering our growth and happiness. Doing something about them can be difficult. People grow apart, needs change and our expectations also change. Healthy relationships change, evolve, grow and become different over time. In healthy relationships the hearts really do grow fonder.

Try this:
Try looking at yourself with new eyes. Shed some light on what about the relationship is making you feel this way? Is it really about not screwing the cap on the toothpaste or is it a need for you to control? Taking responsibility for your feelings and sharing them with the other person. If you feel belittled or inadequate, how much of that are you enabling by having unrealistic expectations of yourself or of the other person.

Communication is key. Communicate what you’re feelings are, take responsibility for them and see what happens. What you perceive are just your perceptions. The truth might be something else.

A coach is not a psychologist or therapist. Seek out a counsellor that specialises in relationship coaching.

In my experience I have found that people can use weight issues as a physical barrier between them and others. A way of keeping themselves safe. Fear of success or fear of failure is also not unusual. Remember your doctor should supervise any weight loss plan.
Ask yourself:

  • How does being at this weight serve me?
  • How would I feel at my goal weight?
  • What would happen if I were at my goal weight?

Try this:
Here are a couple of strategies to keep your weight loss plan on track:

  1. Keep it simple
  2. Keep a food diary
  3. Set clear written goals for yourself
  4. Get plenty of rest
  5. Exercise first thing in the morning.

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